My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest. Exodus 33:14
No. No. No! I felt like screaming a thousand “NO!”s into a deep ravine and having them echo all the way to heaven. I don’t want to walk this path. We’d waited patiently for test results. We’d gone to all the appointments and completed all the tests. Slowly we worked our way through the stack of reading material—information describing my husband’s cancer and treatment. I’d read about side effects until my eyes burned and my heart cried out for grace. Yet we grabbed for the hope that treatment offered.
After many anxious days of waiting, we are embarking on our journey into cancer treatment. I feel like Moses when he prayed, “If thy presence go not with me, carry us not up hence.” (See Exodus 33:15.) I wouldn’t want to start such a journey without the Lord by our sides.
While I’m apprehensively peering down paths I don’t wish to trod, I remember God never promised all our paths would be pleasant and petal-strewn. He knows our faith is exercised and can grow strong when we climb carefully over dark, rocky trails. Sometimes we stumble. Sometimes we lose our way. Sometimes we sit on a huge rock and just let the tears flow. God understands all of that. He knows we are made of dust (Psalm 103:14). What a great comfort to know He understands my dusty tears!
I do feel God’s presence on this journey. My husband feels it too. Our prayers have moved to a new level of depth and trust. We have much for which to be thankful. And deep within my heart, though I tremble with fear at the journey, though I do not know the outcome, I know I can trust in a God who promises me and who promised Moses: “My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest.”
-- Brenda Weaver